Habit stacking to help live with fatigue

Introduction

I've created new habits, I had to. When you live with fatigue, habits are your best friend. Spontaneity and planing doesn't work for me anymore. To make sure I can do the things I need, want, and love to do, I had to build habits that work without me having to think about what I need to do.

Having a set schedule sounds good to most people, and for me, my challenge is that fatigue doesn't care about a set schedule, it's not predictable. Some days I wake up more tired than when I went to bed, some days I can barely get out of bed, so these days anything on my schedule doesn't happens. These days what save me is my habits.

Confused, yes me to, but it is the truth, planning or spontaneity doesn't really work for my head, so my daily "schedule" is built on habits, and that works for me most of the time. The biggest challenge is when I have to break my schedule to do things spontaneously. Then it takes time to get back into the rhythm of my habits again.

The good thing is that small habits that build on other habits make life so much easier. Even if you don't live with Fatigue. A kind of automation of your everyday tasks, so that they just happen without you having to plan or think about doing them, they just happen.

In general, people like routines. Research shows that people who grew up with a consistent daily routine are less likely to have attention or time management issues as adults. Reliable bedtime routines can help us sleep better, while just the general structure a healthy routine provides can help reduce overall stress. So why is it so hard to create a routine that’s actually good for you—and yet fall into a doomscrolling spiral before bed every night?

If you’re a person who struggles with creating habits and routines (*raises hand*), there’s a hack for you to actually make new habits stick: habit stacking.

Why Habit Stacking?

When you struggle with fatigue, you will be completely exhausted just by the thought of all the chores you have to do: grocery shopping, doing laundry, cleaning the house, going for a walk, calling family, visiting friends... all the things you used to do, things you just did as part of your natural daily life, without even thinking about it.

When all these “normal” daily chores feel like you have to climb Mount Everest before you can do them, when you can’t figure out how to get started with this huge pile of “normal” chores, and the weight of them pushes you deeper and deeper down.

I was there for a few years back, and in a way I'm still there, the only thing that have change is I learn habit stacking.

Let me explain about habit stacking and how its help me in my daily life with fatigue, how its help me get my daily chores done without the need to "force" myself every time i need to start doing things.

So what is habit stacking?

If you've been following my stories, you've probably noticed that I've brought up this topic from time to time before. Habit building is not something new, a revolutionary discovery that will dramatically change your life. Not even something I developed, it's a proven method that people have been using for years.

I learned to use it many years ago in work-related situations, mainly to automate tasks to increase efficiency.

Habit stacking is essentially exactly what it sounds like: taking a new habit and adding it to something you already do habitually. “starting with something that is already a ritual, that doesn’t take a lot of conscious effort, and add something new to it"

Habit building works by identifying a habit or behavior you want to start with, and incorporating it into something you already do on a regular basis.

The formula

A simple formula for building habits might look something like this: “Every time I do X (the existing part of my routine), I will then do Y (the new thing I want to add to my routine).” This equation works for a variety of different scenarios or goals.

It can be used in different ways, one way is a simple way, e.g. “When I brush my teeth twice a day, I add a new habit of flossing in addition to my existing brushing habit." So now I floss twice a day without thinking about doing it. Flossing was a new habit I need to get better at.

Another example I use is: “after my morning coffee, I go up to make my bed.” Again, I use something I already do everyday to trigger something I usually forget to do. One stable habit to create a new habit.

You might also be trying to start a new habit or routine that you know is good for you, but need some extra motivation to stick with it. In that case, your habit-stacking formula can be more about pairing something you need to do with something you want to do.

For example, I want to get better at cleaning my house, so I set a goal to do some cleaning every day. Unless you really love cleaning, you might need an incentive to do it. Here, your habit plan might be: “After I clean the bathroom or the kitchen—, I can go for a bike ride.” That bike ride, which I would have taken anyway, is now used as a reward for doing some cleaning at home before I go on a trip. “[The habit pile] becomes like receiving a reward for this behavior that I didn’t want or like to do [but had to do].”

Today

Today, I've built new routines using habit stacking, combining things I love to do with things I have to do, and rewarding myself for doing things that needed to be done.

It can also be used to automate things you have to do regularly. Building small habits into automated routines that you just do without having to plan.

Small habits, as empty the disk washer before eating breakfast, go to grocery after breakfast every Thursday before going to gym class, calling a friend after dinner...

That's when you suddenly discover that habits are your best friend. They actually make your life easier and reduce cognitive fatigue.

The other benefit of building habits is that once they become routine, they really reduce decision fatigue—the mental fatigue that comes from constantly having to make decisions. “A natural, positive consequence of having built these routines is that you might feel like, ‘Well, I’m doing more, but somehow I feel like I have more time, and I’m less tired.’” You probably have more time and are less tired because you don’t have to think as much about these smaller habits that you do in your daily life. Because your mind is freed up.

Easy

Easy, no, I never promised you that rehab would be easy, and building new habits is not easy, but I am learning that it is necessary if I want my life to be easier.

The habit stacking formula has made it a bit easier to change my pattern and help me to get more things done, reducing the amount of cognitive fatigue I get.

There are a few things to keep in mind when you want to either change or build new habits.

Keep it simple

The first thing to remember is to keep it simple: When it comes to trying to develop new habits or break bad habits, you need to know that new behaviors are extremely difficult to achieve. The more difficult the behavior, the greater the chance that you will not succeed at it. This is because our brains do their best to avoid difficult tasks and seek the easiest path. Especially when you are living with cognitive fatigue.

So choose simple and small task to start with.

Your environment

The second is the environment. Your environment plays a big role in your behavior, and it may affect you more than you realize.

Environment is both about where and how, if you are a place where you don't feel good it's make it far more difficult to do things, and if you need to climp a hige mountain to get there it will stop you.

So when you’re trying to implement positive habits, think about where and how. For example, if you want to drink more water, the easiest way is to fill up a large bottle and put it somewhere you see it constantly, like on the table where you spend most of your time. As simple as going to the kitchen to fill your glass sounds like there’s a lot more friction there compared to a filled bottle, and having it near where you spend your time. Especially on days when you’re stuck in that never-ending loop of cognitive fatigue lying on the couch.

It's the same if you want to break a bad habit, create as much friction as possible to do that thing. So design your environment consciously and make sure it works for you, not against you. Place things you need so they're easily accessible. 💡 Hang your car keys in the middle of the door so you can see them every time you go out🤔, so you don't waste time running around trying to find them. Hide the chocolate😇😁 as high as you can in the back of the most inaccessible cupboard you have.

Keep what you need simple and straightforward. Everything else difficult and inaccessible.

Enjoyment

The third is enjoyment. For habits and behaviors to stick, you should at least not hate that activity, because if you do, every day will feel like a chore, and you will be completely dependent on willpower, which will one day break down.

Whereas if you like the behavior, you're much more likely to stick with it, or at least not hate it. So if you combine things you love to do with things you might not like as much, you build new habits / behavior by rewarding yourself, the chance its sticks is fare more higher.

So for me, cleaning the house was something I had to do that I didn't really enjoy but became easier because I rewarded myself with a bike ride after.

Evaluate

The last thing I do is from time to time use a little time on looking back and evaluate.

I feel like, maybe a little hangover from my time as a project manager😀, regularly evaluating how I'm making progress toward my goals and desired habits, is good for me.

What works well, and what could be improved? There will come a point where your habit becomes too easy and no longer generates the same returns as it did in the beginning. This is where you evaluate and, if necessary, increase the challenge marginally. These marginal gains, if done consistently, will generate big compound results over time.

And you may, quite simply, discover that a task you don't really enjoy doing doesn't bother you so much anymore.

When I evaluate from time to time, I find some habits that have become so easy to do that I can add a new habit to them. Keep building new habit stacks. Slowly but surely, it will become easier to live with cognitive fatigue day by day.

Drawbacks

Yes, there are some downsides here. When my life is built on routines, breaking a routine either intentionally or because of things that haven't been in my schedule, when life gets in the way for my habits, it hits me pretty hard. Sometimes I react with aggression or rather frustration, especially when I'm not prepared for what's coming from the sidelines.

I need time to adapt or get out of a habit, I need more time, much more time than "usual", so when someone suddenly asks me to join in on something on short notice, I usually respond by saying no, not because I don't want to join, but because it's not part of my routine, it's not part of that day's habits.

And shortly after the "no" response I regret, because mostly I want to join, I just need time to adjust my head to doing something not planned.

I am getting better every day at handling exceptions. I have learned to inform people around me that I need to be notified of new things, appointments, invitations, etc., well in advance of them happening so that I can adjust my regular routines and habits accordingly.

Habit stacking is not a solution for cognitive fatigue, it is a tool that can be of great help to some. For me it has been and is a huge help in everyday life. I have learned to understand the drawbacks and how to deal with them ... mostly😀.

Would I recommend trying it? Yes, without a doubt, just don't build unrealistic expectations, start with small habits, small steps, evaluate and adjust or abort if you feel it's wrong, accept that failure is a success because trying takes courage.

Remember that failing is just another word for learning.

I'll leave you with this

It is difficult to live with fatigue in any way, unfortunately many people experience fatigue after various injuries or illnesses. Fatigue is not something that is visible from the outside, and for many of those who struggle with it, it is associated with shame.

The fact that some days you are very inactive and have chosen to listen to your body and lie on the couch all day, it is easy to feel ashamed of having rested in a "wrong" way, if there is a "wrong" way, accepting that resting is also doing something right, that it is a necessity in order to be able to live "normally" tomorrow is incredibly difficult, even for those of us who live with fatigue in everyday life.

That when I'm home all day, the house should always be neat and clean, and thinking that because I'm having a good day, I should be at work, not at home, feeling guilty because I'm cycling to do something "sensible" that I love to do. Overexplaining all these things as if the fact that I'm disabled doesn't explain enough, talking down about myself before others do as a kind of defense mechanism.

No longer being able to contribute to society is not a choice I made or wanted and "losing my value in society" bothers me every day.

For me and others I talk to, these things often lead to a sense of shame.

And it's so wrong. We're human, like everyone else. We never wanted to be "disabled." It wasn't a choice. That we suddenly woke up one morning and felt like it was a smart choice. That it sounds like a good way to live our lives. That it was an easy way to retire early.

Why can't others treat us the way they treat everyone else? We may look and act different, but we are still the same person, we are still a human being. I accept that other people's lives are different from mine, I accept the way they live their lives, the things they do... I don't question why they go to work every day, why they go on a bike ride in the mountains, why their house looks messy...

I'm not asking for pity or understanding, I'm asking for acceptance and inclusion. So simple and so hard.

Thx for reading, with love🫶 Jørn